This article appeared in the August 30, 2024 edition of The Film Comment Letter, our free weekly newsletter featuring original film criticism and writing. Sign up for the Letter here.

Funny People (Judd Apatow, 2009)

My workweek at Bedford Hills Correctional Facility in the Hudson Valley of New York State leaves me no time to relax in front of the television—except at the end of the day as I begin to nod off to sleep. No time for my favorite prime-time TV shows, mindlessly hilarious movies, or the latest true-crime documentary. Between four college classes, two jobs (one as a visit-room photographer, and the other as a general library clerk), my work representing incarcerated individuals at their disciplinary hearings, and my freelance journalism, weekends are my sole respite in prison.

Most weekend mornings, my friend Iz and I—we call ourselves “the Movie Wives”—wake up at 6 a.m., make breakfast, and settle in to watch a film on the flat-screen TV in the unit’s rec room. While Bedford Hills’s general library has over 500 DVDs, each unit only receives four movies to choose from every week. We can submit requests for specific films to the recreation aide, but usually the movies are chosen at random. We’re lucky if they take the time to pull specific requests for us—and often, we receive the same movies more than once a month.

By policy, residents of my unit are allowed to sign up for two uninterrupted TV slots a week: two hours for movies and one hour for television shows. Sign-ups happen every morning, first-come first serve. While you have control of the remote, anyone is allowed to watch with you. Because Iz and I are too busy, and not about to get froggy over television, the Bedford Hills Movie Wives have weekend movie mornings down to a science. 

At 6.m., when our cell doors open and the football fans are still sleeping off their buffoonery, I squeeze through the partially open door sideways to run for a spot in the kitchen, while Iz hustles to secure a two-hour slot for the TV in the rec room. You never know how many residents will join the race, but the quicker you’re out the door, the better. I have gotten good at all-out sprinting in flip-flops, and it is rare that anyone ever beats me to the kitchen. All those drag-queen years of running in six-inch stilettos have finally paid off, even if my waistline has increased slightly thanks to Iz’s cooking.

I brew the coffee and tea and turn the hotplate on while Iz makes the pancake batter. We chat, laugh, and act the fool as the sunrise begins to peek through the kitchen windows, and we drink our cups of coffee and tea. At least once, I threaten to “drop it like it’s hot” while dancing in the kitchen to the sizzle of butter on the skillet. Once our breakfast of apple-compote pancakes and bacon is ready, we convene in front of the TV in the rec room, pop in the DVD, and settle in for our movie morning. 

The Movie Wives tend to prefer comedies, rom-coms, and thrillers—though unlike Iz, I also enjoy a good tearjerker or a feel-good family movie, such as The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012) with Jennifer Garner and Joel Edgerton. The two films that we look forward to seeing the most in the future are Joker: Folie à Deux, starring Joaquin Phoenix and Lady Gaga (Iz’s choice), and the film version of the musical Wicked, starring Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo (my pick). Here’s a sample from the viewing lives of the Prison Movie Wives, from a couple weekends back in March of 2024. Each film is rated using our own system of one to five “Black Hearts.” 

____________________________________

FRIDAY 

The Stepfather (2009)

Genre: Thriller

Duration: 101 minutes

Director: Nelson McCormick 

Starring: Dylan Walsh, Sela Ward

In this remake of the 1987 thriller starring Terry O’Quinn, Dylan Walsh plays David Harris, a handsome widower who marries Susan Harding (Sela Ward) after a whirlwind romance. When a nosy neighbor raises questions about David’s identity, and he begins to display some troubling behavior, Susan and her kids fear that there’s something sinister in David’s past. 

As the movie begins, someone sitting at a table nearby eating a bacon-egg-and-cheese bagel—made in the microwave with Egg Beaters—chimes in: “Wait until you see what the prick did before he started drinking his coffee,” referring to David. We give this spoiler a “wish-a-bitch-would” glare and groan as we turn back to see the movie’s opening carnage. 

At least five times during the film, someone wanders over and asks what we are watching. An hour in, we take a bathroom break and get more coffee and tea. When we return, we find that the unit officer, whose desk is nearby, has hit the play button while we stepped away. “Nah, nah, boo-boo” is all I say as I retrieve the remote and rewind to where we left off.

We comment, critique, kvetch, and yell at the TV throughout—probably annoying everyone else, but we don’t care. The movie does not disappoint. Walsh switches seamlessly between handsome charmer and sociopathic family annihilator. Ward is excellent as the sympathetic yet naïve divorcée desperately seeking love and a father figure for her children. However, some twists are predictable, and the scares are often lackluster. The Prison Movie Wives sentence The Stepfather to four out of five black hearts.

Rating:  🖤🖤🖤🖤    

________________________________________

SATURDAY

Funny People (2009)

Genre: Comedy-drama

Duration: 146 minutes

Director: Judd Apatow

Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann

Adam Sandler is a dying comedian, and Seth Rogen plays his writer and whipping post in this heartwarming yet hilarious and entertaining movie. At one point, Sandler’s stand-up has us doubled over with tears in our eyes, laughing so loudly that the officer tells us to quiet down. But then Seth Rogen drops a joke about farting and masturbation, and even the officer cannot help but laugh. Several residents filter out to the rec room to see what is causing so much commotion, with a few complaining that they’re trying to sleep.

Sandler’s Happy Madison Productions once again slays in the comedy category, and the actor brings levity into the Bedford Hills Correctional Facility—even though this role is a bit heavier than his typical slapstick fare. It is rare for there to be laughter in prison, let alone for it to permeate an entire unit—and even draw in the officer on duty. When I went to return the DVD, the officer, with a smile on his face, asked if we had a good time. I said yes, and he replied, “It wasn’t hard to tell. Y’all were cackling like wild hyenas.” 

By the end of this movie, the Prison Movie Wives’ black hearts had turned a lovely shade of pink—at least temporarily. We sentence Funny People to an exceptional five out of five black hearts.

 Rating: 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤         

________________________________________

SATURDAY

Just Go with It (2011)

Genre: Rom-com

Duration: 117 minutes

Director: Dennis Dugan

Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston

Adam Sandler plays California plastic surgeon Danny Maccabee, and Jennifer Aniston is his comely medical assistant, Katherine. Danny feigns being a married man in order to have no-commitment flings with women, but when he falls for Palmer (Brooklyn Decker), he needs a way out of his ruse. He pretends to be married to Katherine and on the brink of divorce, so that Palmer does not ditch him for being a trifling adulterer.

Just Go with It is funny, and Rachel Dratch’s cameo as a botched plastic-surgery patient with a bouncing eyebrow nearly made the Movie Wives choke on their homemade pancakes. While Funny People was a fresher comedy with down-to-earth emotional struggles, Just Go with It also provided plenty of entertainment on a drab Saturday morning—because who doesn’t love the erotically charged antics of Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston?

However, the Wives wanted more commitment and comedic timing from Aniston; many of her jokes seemed to fall short in the shadow of her castmates’ genius. Bailee Madison, who plays Katherine’s preteen daughter, upstages Aniston brilliantly, hitting it out of the park with her fake British accent and the line, “So you’re the bird that’s been giving daddy the old slap and tickle.” And Nick Swardson, who plays Danny’s cousin Eddie, is hilarious pretending to be a German sheep-shipper, who gives a “sassy baa-er” some “sheep-PR.”

Several Bedford residents gathered to watch this movie with us. A comedic moment that really tickled the crowd related to Nicole Kidman’s character, Devlin, whose name is used interchangeably throughout the movie with taking a dump. (The word “Devlin” became a running joke among the residents for the rest of the day.) One scene that drew a collective groan was Eddie’s appearance in an unfortunately tight speedo as he climbs to the top of a waterfall. Just Go with It brought the unit together in plentiful laughter and camaraderie—and even earned an encore viewing that night when another group of residents signed up to watch it. The Movie Wives sentence Just Go with It to 3.5 black hearts. 

Rating: 🖤🖤🖤1/2        

________________________________________

Watching movies is always a welcome respite after a long, busy week—particularly when it’s with friends and loved ones. There is something special about laughing so hard you cry or grabbing your friend’s arm because you’re scared out of your wits. But in prison, these moments also allow us to forget our current circumstances. Not until I was away from Bedford and the Movie Wives’ routine for over a month for medical reasons did I realize how much of a family affair it had become. While I was in my infirmity cell, I enjoyed watching Timothée Chalamet’s amazing turn as the titular chocolatier in Wonka (2023) and Rachel Zegler’s haunting portrayal of Lucy Gray Baird in the Hunger Games prequel, The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes (2023)—but it wasn’t the same without Iz. Like Siskel and Ebert, or our families gathering in the living room for movies and popcorn, the Movie Wives will always be better together. 

Publication of this essay was facilitated by Emily Nonko and Empowerment Avenue.

Sara Kielly is a 35-year-old trans woman who is incarcerated in Bedford Hills Correctional Facility in the Hudson Valley of New York State. Her work has appeared in Slate, New York Amsterdam News, and Spotlong Review, and she is the author of a forthcoming investigative piece in New York Focus.